you have got to be kidding me.

So get this. Last night I'm hanging out on the back porch, day dreaming of how I'm gonna kill it at the fall fling in a month when my handler comes barging in and peals off my favorite supple, silk vittoria 700x23 racing slick. I thought to myself, "Meh, probably just a tube change or he's going nuts again on 'rotating' his tires from front to rear."

But I was dead wrong. After he'd removed Vittoria from my loving clinch, he unwrapped some crusty French hippie excuse for a clincher tire.

"What the hell?" I thought.

Then it dawned on me. I'm going to be a cyclocross wheel this fall. NO NO NO NO NO.

I yelled, but he did not hear. "Hey idiot! Don't you see my bladed spokes and slightly aero rim?! I'm made for speed, not for sticks and mud!" But the handler paid no mind. Open Pro snickered and Zipp 404 counted his blessings.


This is complete BS. Who the hell thought up cyclocross anyhow? It wasn't a clincher wheel, I'll tell you that. Those bastard cantilever brakes have already scraped off my kick ass "BONTRAGER" stickers and that Michelin cyclocross tire is a complete slob. All I know is I'm about to pop out some serious untrueness.